Golf Rule Changes

Obama has recently appointed a “Golf Czar” and major rule changes in the game of golf will become effective June 1, 2010.

This is only a preview as the complete rule book is being rewritten as we speak.

Here are a few of the changes:

Golfers with handicaps:
– below 10 will have their green fees increased by 35%.
– between 11 and 18 will see no increase in green fees.
– above 18 will get a $25 check each time they play.

The dollar amount placed in bets will be as follows:

-for handicaps below 10, an additional $10.
-between 11 and 18, no additional amount.
-above 18, you will receive the total amount in the pot even if you do not play.

The term “gimme” will be changed to “entitlement” and will be used as follows:

-handicaps below 10, no entitlements.
-handicaps from 11 to 17, entitlements for putter length putts.
-handicaps above 18, if your ball is on the green, no need to putt, just pick it up.

These entitlements are intended to bring about fairness and, most importantly, equality in scoring.

In addition, a player will be limited to a maximum of one birdie or six pars in any given 18-hole round. Any excess must be given to those fellow players who have not yet scored a birdie or par. Only after all players have received a birdie or par from the player actually making the birdie or par, can that player begin to count his pars and birdies again.

The current USGA handicap system will be used for the above purposes, but the term ‘net score’ will be available only for scoring those players with handicaps of 18 and above.

This is intended to ‘redistribute’ the success of winning by making sure that in every competition, the above 18 handicap players will post only ‘net score’ against every other player’s gross score.

These new rules are intended to “CHANGE” the game of golf.

Golf must be about Fairness.

It should have nothing to do with Ability.

Don’t Make Stupid Remarks

If you don’t know God, don’t make stupid remarks!!!!!!

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan . One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist, and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, “GOD if you are real then I want you to knock me off this platform. I’ll give you exactly 15 min.” The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, “Here I am GOD, I’m still waiting.”

It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently.

The other students were shocked and stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, “What in the world is the matter with you? Why did you do that?”

The Marine calmly replied, “GOD was too busy today protecting America ‘s soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So He sent me.”

The classroom erupted in cheers!

Nebraska Corn Farmer

A Nebraska corn farmer walks into a NYC bank and tells the loan officer he is going to Norway on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer tells him that they will need security for the loan, so the farmer hands over the keys to his new Ferrari. The car is parked in front of the bank. The corn farmer produces the title and everything checks out. The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there. The bank’s president enjoys a good laugh over this farmer using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

Two weeks later, the farmer returns, repays the $5,000 and interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The farmer replies: “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41, and expect it to be there when I return?”

Ah, ya gotta love those Nebraska corn farmers.